pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
