Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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