he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
