I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
