I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My vagina is officially offended.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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