Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
