So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
