could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
