Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
