I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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