dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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