we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
