I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
