He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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