U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
