His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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