I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
