Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
