What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
