You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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