i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
