So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
