a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
