Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
