have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
