i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it's like iHOP with fire
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
