And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize