I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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