there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
