That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I want to be your penis for a week.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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