are you still at the devil's house?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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