She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I lost the right to judge tonight
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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