apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
