I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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