Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
