You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My ass is underappreciated
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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