i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
