Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
