We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
try to milk me bitch
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