I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Two words: blizzard sex
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
