In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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