I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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