I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
