I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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