Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
