It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
