Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
