i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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