K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
