biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
