just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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