happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
