just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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