I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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