I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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