if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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